Two true stories

involving breast milk. No matter how grumpy I am, I can’t help but smile and even laugh out loud when I think about these stories. I figure I should share in hopes that it will get rid of your grumps; assuming you get the grumps once in a while.

First true story involving breast milk:
My dad is famous for his power drinks. He consumes more power drinks than anyone I know. They always contain the latest miracle herb or supplement. My Grandma Fae is the lucky recipient of a power drink hand made and delivered by my father every morning. Ever since he heard that some athletes drink breast milk to get stronger, my dad has been a little obsessed with the stuff. My little sister Jenny is basically a milk factory and has stored a bunch of her breast milk in the freezer at my parents’ home. You see where this is going?

Well, my dad thought he would give my elderly grandma a real boost by adding 4oz of breast milk to her power drink. Upon delivery, my dad told my grandma that her drink had an extra special ingredient in it but he wouldn’t tell her what it was. To this day, my poor grandma doesn’t know she drank several ounces of Jenny’s breast milk. I guess the moral of this story is never accept a power drink from my dad. You never know what ingredient he will add next.

Second true story involving breast milk:
When my cousin was a wee one, he was babysat by a lactating neighbor while my aunt was out. Apparently my cousin was a little fussy so the neighbor decided she would feed him from her breast to calm him down. My cousin didn’t take to the foreign milk very well and started throwing up. I guess the moral of this story is never let your wacky lactating neighbor watch your infant. You might get more than you bargained for.

Now that I’ve shared my favorite stories about the liquid gold, I better go pump.