Dirty 30.

Well 30 snuck up on me like a bad bout of gas after a Betos bean burrito: abrupt, yet hardly surprising. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't quite prepared for the emotional fallout. Leaving my 20s behind was definitely bittersweet.

Me and my crew on my 30th birthday.

The bright spot in all of this... With age comes wisdom. So, with 30 good years under my belt, I'd  like to take a moment and jot down a few things I've learned over the years:

Year 1: The best way to get someone's undivided attention is to crap yourself.
Year 2: While crapping yourself will get you plenty of attention, it won't get you very far in life. Doing it  in the toilet is the way to go.
Year 3: Preschool is much better when you get to go with your older sister.
Year 4: Chickenpox itch even more when you scratch them.
Year 5: Kindergarten is only as hard as you make it.
Year 6: When a boy asks to play kissing tag, always say no.
Year 7: Sitting on snow tubes while your sisters bounce you on the trampoline is never, ever a good idea.
Year 8: Accidentally saying a swear word on your baptism day does not make you a bad person.
Year 9: It is always inappropriate to call someone older than you a little s*@&, and it will almost always result in a spanking.
Year 10: Eating too many sunflower seeds at the salad bar can be hazardous to your health.
Year 11: Getting a training bra isn't really as embarrassing as you might think.
Year 12: Navigating your way through middle school is always best done with deodorant on.
Year 13: Failing to get a rose from a secret admirer on Valentine's Day doesn't mean your not pretty.
Year 14: Crying in the elevator at the dentist's office will not get you out of needing braces.
Year 15: If you see a sign that says "Welcome to Wyoming," you've gone too far.
Year 16: Physics will most likely ruin your GPA.
Year 17: The 100 meter hurdles is a dangerous race and most people should not do it.
Year 18: High school is just the tip of the educational iceberg.
Year l9: A half-naked tandem bike ride with your  little sister will cure most anything that's ailing you.
Year 20: If you need a good workout, grab a hula hoop.
Year 21: What happens in Bear Lake probably won't stay in Bear Lake. Proceed with caution.
Year 22: Sometimes breaking the rules leads you to what you've always been looking for.
Year 23: Moving across the country is best done with a lover by your side.
Year 24: When an old man falls outside of your apartment at 2 am and loses his precious dog in the process, you should call the ambulance and then end your involvement there.
Year 25: Rollerblading down hills of any size should be done with extreme caution.
Year 26: You should always try your best to stay awake in business meetings.
Year 27: Always get a GPS in your rental car if you plan on driving through a foreign country.
Year 28: That Miracle of Life video they show you in high school is no joke.
Year 29: When you smell quiche burning, immediately stop what you're doing and turn off the oven.
Year 30: There's not a bad day that an ice cold coke and good cupcake can't cure.